Or the unspoken rules governing the behaviour of people who ride elevators.
Rule 1. When going up on an elevator, anyone who is getting off at a floor lower then you is lazy for not taking the stairs.
Rule 2. Awkward moments staring blankly at fellow elevator riders can be avoided by playing with your cell phone. Bonus points if you do this even when there’s no reception in the elevator.
Rule 3. Laugh silently at people who assume that an elevator is empty when the doors open and walk right into someone exiting. Be angry if you are either of these colliding people because it’s the other person’s fault.
Rule 4. Freak yourself out by imagining that the elevator is going to drop or you’ll be trapped in the elevator for hours. Especially if you need to pee.
Rule 5. Secretly (or not-so-secretly) judge people based on their appearance, their music tastes (because their headphones are on too loud), and their choice to wear perfume/cologne and then be in close proximity to anyone, such as in an elevator.
Rule 6. Holding open an elevator door for someone means, “I am in a friendly mood, and the world is my oyster and will reward me for doing my good deed for the day.” Desperately pressing the ‘door close’ button to avoid any sort of interaction with anyone, and a sense of accomplishment if you’re successful? This is everyone on a typical day.
Summary of how to win at riding the elevator: travel by yourself to your floor without having to stop for anyone, anywhere. Dance by yourself while you’re in the elevator as your reward… you are awesome and you deserve it!