I like irregular verbs.

(Warning, like the verbs, this post may come across as slightly irregular.)

Run away! It's the Irregular Monster!

Eat. The past tense of eat is ate, and the past participle of eat is eaten. What the hell is a past participle? That’s a very good question, and I’m afraid you’ve mistaken me for someone who knows something about grammar. But, I will say, for instance, a baby penguin is being eaten by sea lion. Oh wait, never mind, the sea lion made quick work of that baby penguin, and now I can say that the sea lion ate the baby penguin. Yes, I know I am a horrible person. This is what happens when I’m allowed to watch Frozen Planet on the Discovery Channel.

Forbid. The past tense of forbid is forbade or forbad (for shame!), not forbided. The past participle is forbidden knowledge. Such as how PETA forbade the sea lions from eating baby penguins after hearing about the annual penguin massacre in Antarctica. They filed a law suit saying that baby penguin feasts should be forbidden because of the thirteenth amendment before realizing it had nothing to do with slavery, and they were slightly out of their jurisdiction.

Lie and lay. The past tense of lie is lay, but the past tense of lay is laid. No, I’m not lying.

Hang. Both the past tense and past participle of hang are hung. Sometimes. This one is tricky. Are you talking about hanging a picture or hanging pirate-ninja-zombie (sorry, “pirinjabie”) abominations? You must ask yourself this question before we can proceed, since hanging a picture is an irregular verb, but killing pirinjabies is quite regular. I hung a picture, but the pirinjabies were hanged. Similarly, “he is well hung” or “he is well hanged” mean two very different things.

Hit. Hitting is always hit in the past. You don’t “hitted” that thing. Rather, you hit it, possibly with a hitting device. Like a hammer. Similarly, you would hit that if you could, but you know that she’d never let you. You need to be well hung rather than well hanged, you see.

Read. Ironically, I have read this sentence, is only confusing when you try to read it out loud.

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This entry was posted in An exercise in procrastination, I am a nerd, Nonsense and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I like irregular verbs.

  1. THis is very amusing! I love how you play with words!

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